Five dudes give you one sentence about Disney’s latest animated feature, Tangled. Suck it, Associated Press, how’s that for succinct and efficient?

How do you take a
flight-for-your-life into the woods and make it boring? Better yet,
how do you make it exciting again? These are but two of the pressing
questions of Harry Potter’s cinematic finale.

Regular Show finds the right balance of crazy, off the wall humor, without being totally random or full of non sequiturs. Also the raccoon knows how to hambone!

It was shockingly easy for Lovejoy to convince his entire staff to go see the new Cats & Dogs film. Convincing them all to do a full review for the film proved to be much harder. However, he did manage to squeeze a single sentence out of each of them. Think of this as your furry version of Rotten Tomatoes.

Though Predators still felt like a “mixed bag” movie to me. It did some things right, a lot of things just okay, but thankfully, it never really went in the wrong direction at any point in time. And this is coming from a guy who was an Aliens and Predator fanatic when he was younger.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice stars Nicolas Cage, so it’s going to be a crap shoot in terms of quality. Lovejoy and Corvi have two different takes on the Summer magic flick.

It’s hard to believe that a movie about a teenage girl trying to bone half the cast of Universal Studios’ Monsters could be pretentious, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t try! From the first lines of Bella reading Robert Frost’s “Fire and Ice” to the numerous statements on morality, Eclipse manages to be preachy about a subject that is not an issue for 100% of the universe: fucking vampires.

The Last Airbender is a pointless movie. Who remakes a TV series into a film? Plenty of people have used film to extend the stories of cancelled shows. And other people use movies to adapt written word to a visual medium. But Avatar: The Last Airbender is already a visual medium, with a finished story that doesn’t benefit from a white kid with leukemia and that Indian guy from The Daily Show.

Toy Story 3 tries to do something pretty brave: it attempts to age in real time, with as much time passing in-universe since the previous film as has passed in real life. Something similar was tried with the Harry Potter books, but while that mostly resulted in the books getting overlong and less well edited, with Toy Story 3, it actually succeeds.

Look we’re all adults here. And as much as we’d like to review every talking animal flick that comes along, the truth is that we don’t have the time, or the alcohol budget, to make that feasible. What we do have time for is to glance at the posters lining the hallway of our local cinemas, and make judgments about the films from a quick glance. And that’s exactly what we did.