Say hello to Duroc and Corvi.

We figured that since a lot of people just post chat logs to SoFurry and pretend they’re stories, we can do the same thing with an article. This is raw and unedited peeps, and by that I mean so terribly geeky.

Lovejoy: So Corvi and I attended the show (though he wasn’t at any of the press cons). But clearly the biggest things coming out of the show were 3D and motion control. Seems like the big three were pimping one of the other (or both for Sony).

Duroc: But the question is, did they succeed?

Corvi: By biggest you mean the things that the companies think are the biggest, right? Because I don’t really give a shit about either.

Lovejoy: Hehe, well right. It’s kind of hard to say whether they succeeded. Especially because the general public can’t see any of the 3D or experience any of the motion. Assuming they even care.

Duroc: Yeah, I’m not sold on 3D. Which is kind of why I think the 3DS actually worked. From sitting at home, they sold me on a 3DS, and I couldn’t see the effects. No glasses. No expensive TV. They have something there.

Corvi: I will admit the 3DS is cool. I’m surprised people are convinced without seeing it though, because I had to hold it in my hands before I stopped scoffing.

Duroc: I think the trailer showing the reactions of the developers said a lot for someone sitting at home.

Lovejoy: Right, the 3DS is definitely some amazing tech. And it’s almost a relief to see so many developers getting behind it so fast. Though most of the things being shown were just trailers or tech demos, so I’m not sure I’m entirely convinced yet, but it was still awesome to see it working.

Corvi: Dude that Metal Gear Solid demo alone sold me. Forget the 3D part of it, it looks great. The things seems on par, if not better than a PSP.

Duroc: I think the general opinion seems that Nintendo won E3. The 3DS impressed, they showed some cool games, and they whipped out a couple of surprises. Kirby’s Epic Yarn reminded me of the first time I saw Super Mario World 2. The art style looked really neat.

Lovejoy: Yeah I’m normally not impressed with Nintendo’s conferences, but they really gave the hardcore fans a lot to be excited over. And Kirby is incredible. The art style is great, the co-op seemed fun, and I’ve been dying for a new Kirby game.

Duroc: Well, Nintendo’s last few conferences were… not very good.

Corvi: Was I the only one not really impressed with Nintendo’s conference? They said a bunch of titles, sure, but they didn’t have much to show. And the Zelda demo didn’t even work.

Lovejoy: Well to be fair, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword works just fine. Tt wasn’t a very exciting demo, but it does work.

Duroc: I probably depends on the kind of gamer you are. But when compared to the other two cons, Nintendo’s did seem to be the best.

Corvi: True, but for those of us not at the conference itself, or worse, people at home, there’s no way to know that. You see the live demo just fail miserably, then journalists turn around and say the game is good. I actually thought Sony did pretty well. Except for trying to keep the PSP alive.

Duroc: I was kind of insulted by the Move, to be honest. They said it was new and innovative, when all it’s a Wii Remote with a light on the end.

Lovejoy: Not a Move fan? Having played with it, the thing is a lot better than a Wii remote.

Duroc: Yeah, not a Move fan. I think for me, I don’t want to invest in other motion device when I already bought a Wii for that.

Corvi: I’m fine with it being a Wii remote. Have you played the new Tiger Woods 11 on Wii? It’s fucking sick as hell. But it looks awful. Now Sony is going to let me play that True Swing stuff with HD graphics and a good online component? Hell yes.

Duroc: Though the Sly Cooper, Jax and Daxter, Ratchet crossover will make any furry stop and say… okay, maybe.

Corvi: That Heroes on the Move game is going to suck ass.

Lovejoy: Aaaw hey it might be good!

Corvi: No way, dude. When Sony lets third party people mess with their mascots it’s always bad.

Duroc: I think it depends on who they’re trying to sell the Move to. Are they selling it to someone like me playing Gran Turismo or Marvel vs Capcom 3? Or kids? I’m not sure yet. But I had similar feelings about the Kinect.

Corvi: Well I’ll be playing the new SOCOM on it. But I’m not touching that family stuff.

Lovejoy: Neither of you wanna play with the Eye Pet or the Kinectimals? You can name your tiger Skittles!

Corvi: …Fuck that, dude.

Duroc: That was flippin cute as hell. Skittles. Come here, skittles.

Lovejoy: Aaaw Skittles stop licking me!

Duroc: The furry perverts will have a field day.

Corvi: This is the part where I mention that they programmed the cat to freak out if you try and touch its asshole.

Lovejoy: Why did you try to do that?!

Duroc: Skittles isn’t smiling anymore.

Corvi: He wouldn’t roll over! So when he turned around I tried to finger him. And he flips out!

Lovejoy: Thank God they didn’t let you near Milo, Corvi.

Duroc: Milo was creepy. But being truthful, I think the Kinect has more potential then the Move, in the long run.

Lovejoy: I could see the Kinect being a bigger seller. Unfortunately nothing I saw, save for Dance Central, really worked that well. In fact I’m not even sure if Dance Central worked well, but it was fun and had Lady Gaga music.

Duroc: I think when it all comes down to it, did Sony or Microsoft sell people a Move or a Kinect after E3? For me, it didn’t happen. Not saying they won’t later. But… not at E3.

Corvi: That’s the kicker for me between Move and Kinect. The third party Move stuff actually works and looks fun, and developers will be able to make Wii Motion Plus and Move games simultaneously. Kinect has really shitty snowboarding games starring Sonic and a wolf. No I think they both have a lot of convincing to do for the general public.

Lovejoy: Agreed. They’re both expensive pieces of hardware that don’t seem necessary. Pulling it back to the 3DS here. Do you think people are going to flock to buy this?

Duroc: Yeah, I think so.

Corvi: How the hell is Nintendo going to market it? They’ll need to have demo unit in every store in the country because if you can’t see it, you won’t think it’s cool.

Duroc: Nintendo owns the handheld market. And Japan will eat this shit up. They’ll sell product.

Lovejoy: I think the word DS, plus the sexiness of 3D may be a perfect storm. Oh and Nintendogs.

Corvi: +Cats, bro.

Duroc: Right now, Nintendo is in the catbird seat. They’ll make it work, and people will buy into the hype. It seems like they already have. The ones who need a boast, are Sony and Microsoft with the Move and the Kinect. And I don’t see anyone excited about Sony’s 3D.

Lovejoy: Yeah we drank that koolaid up.

Corvi: Sony’s 3D is cool and all. But that is a lot of money to pay for stuff that doesn’t seem worth it. Plus everyone knows Sony makes the early, expensive tech, then gets outshone by other companies.

Duroc: Plus, 3D was hip and cool back in the sixties.

Lovejoy: So do you guys think 3D is a fad, or is this where all gaming is headed?

Corvi: It better be a fad. Even the 3DS will probably be a pain in the ass. I don’t want this shit everywhere.

Duroc: I think it’s a fad, but I do believe Nintendo has the right idea. No expensive glasses or TVs.

Lovejoy: Well I had a friend that can’t see the stereoscopic stuff on the 3DS. The say something like 10 percent of people just can’t see it. And even in the little time I played it I was getting kind of annoyed having to keep it in that sweet spot.

Duroc: It’ll have its growing pains, similar to the Wii.

Corvi: If they can get that movie thing to work though I’ll be glad to watch 3D films on the 3DS.

Lovejoy: It’s the same sized screen as an iPhone, which seems very intentional.

Duroc: I don’t think Nintendo’s worried about the PSP, but the iPhone or the iPod Touch… maybe.

Lovejoy: Well Nintendo has officially declared them the enemy.

Duroc: I see a lot of people playing games on their iPod Touch. It makes sense for Nintendo to maybe shift its focus. So, did anyone have any particular games that stood out?

Corvi: Well I’m a huge Portal fan, and Portal 2 was incredible. Looks way more story driven this time.

Lovejoy: It wasn’t the best game there or anything, but I love Epic Mickey. Everything about it makes the Disney fan in me so happy.

Duroc: I was excited about Marvel vs Capcom 3. I’m a fighting game nut. And I’ll be picking up a PS3 in November right along with Gran Turismo 5.

Lovejoy: With Move?

Duroc: Ahhh… no. But I’ve been waiting and waiting for that official release date on GT5.

Corvi: I’ll probably buy Kinect, because my girlfriend was more excited about that shit than anything else there.

Lovejoy: Waiting to buy a PS3 for GT5? Damn that’s a cocktease. Well I’m looking forward to your review for Kinectimals, Corvi.

Corvi: “This panther gets mad when I poke it’s asshole. 6/10″

Duroc: GT5 is a must have. Games like that sell systems. At least for me anyway.

Lovejoy: So we all agree that the 3DS is cool (though just exactly how cool remains to be seen). Move and Kinect have a lot more convincing to do before we’re sold. And Sony’s 3D and PSP can go ahead and die.

Duroc: Pretty much.

Corvi: In a nutshell!

So there you have it folks. But enough from us. What do you guys think about all this 3D and motion control? What was your favorite game from the show?

Batman: Arkham Asylum
Developer: Rocksteady Studios
Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Get it, cause it’s Batman? Ok shut up, whatever. Point is Arkham Asylum is a really fun action game, and one of the best superhero games around. You get to kick ass as the Dark Knight, and yet it still stays true to the source material, something nearly every other game in the genre (especially Batman ones) fail to do. If you like anything about superheroes, you’ll love this game.

Dragon Age: Origins
Developer: BioWare
Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Furries and RPGs go together like, well, furries and porn. And when it comes to RPGs you don’t get a better one this year than Dragon Age: Origins. Yes it has dragons, so that’s a plus, but more importantly it’s long, deep, and has legitimate replay value. It’s BioWare, they make some good-ass RPGs.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
Developer: Naughty Dog
PS3

I really cannot stress to you enough the need to buy this game. Everything about it is incredible. The action is intense, the story is interesting, Nathan Drake is super hot, and even the multiplayer is surprisingly fun. This is like a major Hollywood blockbuster that you play and it’s so fucking rad.

Critter Crunch
Developer: Capybara Games
PS3 (Downloadable)

It’s a puzzle game where you play an adorable little puffball thing that eats little critters, then makes other critters each other until they pop. And sometimes he barfs rainbows. Critter Crunch combines addictive puzzle gameplay with a weird as hell premise and a great animated style.

Rabbids Go Home
Developer: Ubisoft Montpellier
Wii

The Rabbids are great characters, but their waggle fest mini-game collections are not. Luckily Ubisoft gave them a legitimate game this time around, a mixture of plat forming, racing, and item collecting. It’s got a cool art deco style, and it’s totally hilarious.

New Super Mario Bros Wii
Developer: Nintendo
Wii

As a single player game, New Super Mario Bros Wii is an awesome, side scrolling very old school plat former that brings back warm fuzzy memories of raccoon suits and fire flowers. Through in the four person multiplayer and it becomes one of those games you wanna punch your friends in the face over.

Klonoa
Developer: Namco
Wii

Hey kids, Klonoa is back, and he’s awesome! Klonoa Wii is a remake of the original PSX game, but it’s still a hell of a lot of fun. It’s a stylish, colorful 2D plat former, and that bunny or whatever the hell is pretty cute.

Spectrobes Origins
Developer: Genki
Wii

You kids still like Pokemon right? Well Spectrobes is like 3D badass Pokemon. Yeah it’s published by Disney, but it’s created by the guys that did The World Ends With You. For those of you that are into the monster collecting RPG thing, get in on this before all the Spectrobes fursonas pop up.

Dead Space Extraction
Developer: Eurocom and Visceral Games
Wii

I was skeptical about Extraction, but it turned out to be a fun, and scary rail shooter. The Wii specific stuff isn’t all gimmicky and the game manages to stay frightening and intense. Plus it’s a great game to tide you over until the Dead Space sequel.

Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story
Developer: Nintendo
DS

As I said before, Bowser’s Inside Story is the kinkiest game I’ve ever seen. Macro, paws, inflation, vore, this game is nuts. But on top of that it’s a really fun (and funny) RPG that finally let’s Bowser be the star of the show.

Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box
Developer: Nintendo
DS

Professor Layton is one of the most charming video game characters ever. I have a huge crush on him. And his game is full of awesome brain teasing puzzles, and a great story with super cool animated cut scenes. Did I mention I have a crush on him?

Tekken 6
Developer: Namco
Xbox 360, PS3, PSP

Ok so Tekken 6 isn’t an incredible fighting game, but it’s pretty good. Its character roster features a kangaroo, a grizzly, a panda, and a dude that wears a jaguar head and tail, so it’s pretty much the furriest fighting game around.

Rock Band: Unplugged/LEGO Rock Band (DS)
Developer: Backbone Entertainment and Harmonix
PSP/DS

For the portable renditions of Rock Band, Backbone and Harmonix went back to their roots. The games play like Harmonix’s early rhythm games, Amplitude and Frequency, but have the music and World Tour mode of Rock Band.

Ratchet and Clank Future: A Crack in Time
Developer: Insomniac Games
PS3

Sure, the Ratchet and Clank series has gotten a little stale, but it’s still a solid platformer with tons of fun weapons. More importantly Ratchet is awesome. He’s way hotter than any Pokemon out there, and possibly hotter than Star Fox (blasphemy, I know).

Granted, these aren’t all the good games that came out this year, but in the interest of keeping the article somewhat brief I’ll have to leave them out. Obviously games like Beatles: Rock Band and The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks are awesome games too. I’m sure you’ve got your favorites as well, and I love to hear from you, so fucking comment for once and let me know what they are!

And while you’re at it, here are a few more characters severely lacking in the “horrendous mind-scarring porn” department. It’s not that there is no pron of these characters, but most of these guys would fail to sustain a thread on fChan.

Louis
We’ll start with Louis, since there’s a legitimate excuse for the lack of fat gator porn. For the unaware, Louis is a jazz playing gator from the upcoming Disney film, The Princess and the Frog. Unfortunately it seems he actually wants to be turned human, which kind of makes him a big fat antithesis for furry.

Marsupilami
Another Disney creation (though technically Belgian comic first). It’s probably because Marsupilami’s cartoon was very short lived, and has yet to be released to DVD, but there’s a surprisingly little amount of submissions for him. He has a super long prehensile tail, which makes him an instant candidate for some tail bondage.

Geronimo Stilton
What, you guys don’t read heavily illustrated children’s book series about newspaper editor rats who go on adventures? Well if you did you would have already drawn a picture of titular hero Geronimo giving to that goofy fatass cousin of his as punishment for causing another zany disaster.

Manic the Hedgehog
Honestly there doesn’t need to be any more Sonic universe porn. But freakishness that’s out there, I’m surprised more people haven’t boarded on the incestual train wreck that is Manic. You don’t remember him because Sonic Underground was barely on the air, and was the shittiest Sonic cartoon ever.

The Three Caballeros
Actually, fuck Donald Duck. But Jose Carioca and Panchito Pistoles are serverely lacking. Maybe the furry community is racist against Latinos, or speciest against birds, but they need to get over it and draw some south of the border amore. What happens in Baia stays in Baia, folks.

Chronos Lait
I know, I know, who? Look I can understand that most of you don’t remember or never played Golden Axe III on the Sega Genesis. But it is a crime to let a buff panther wearing a bondage harness get forgotten to time. Look at this motherfucker! He’s porn already!

Heffalumps and Woozles
I somewhat blame the trippy and frightening song sequence from The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh for my eventual weaselness. The least you people could do is scar my earliest childhood memories with some kleptomaniacal plush toy naughtiness.

Count Veger
Towards the end of Jak 3 Count Veger gets what’s coming to him, in the form of an ottsely transformation. And while he’s been left out from subsequent titles, Veger’s still one of the best characters in the series. A former evil Count turned cute little mustelid? The comeuppance pics practically draw themselves.

For the record, I don’t actually want to see most of this stuff. But in the interest of completion it is the fandom’s responsibility, nay their duty to draw these dudes humping.

I’m not saying these are going to be amazing. But when you’re burned out after a long day at work. Or really really high so you can’t play “Street Fighter IV”, pop in one of these with the comfort of knowing they don’t suck major ass.

“G-Force” – 360, PS3, Wii
I know, it’s not like Guinea Pigs are at the top of the list for fuzzy animals you want to play as. As it turns out though, “G-Force” isn’t half bad. It’s a third-person action adventure game. You run around as Darwin, shoot up shit, solve some puzzles, and even get to experience some gimicky video game 3D. Plus your small, so it’s kinda micro too, you those people.

“Up” – 360, PS3
I popped this game in solely because I wanted even a smidgen more Dug in my life. And while he is in the game (though not quite as adorable), most of it centers around Russell and Carl Fredricksen. “Up” is a colorful little co-op platformer that differs from the movie’s plot enough to keep it interesting. Plus you get to beat up dogs in it.

“Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian” – 360
I saw a picture on FurAffinity once about a skeleton of a dinosaur eating someone. So I have to assume someone will get a boner when the t-rex tries to eat you in this game. Also the rest of the game isn’t half bad either. I think there’s a sabretooth tiger in there somewhere too.

“Princess Debut” – DS
See that bunny there, in the tux and top hat? If you play through all the game’s endings you get to date him. The game is about being a princess and having to learn to ballroom dance, while going dating princes. If you can play through dozens of hours of classical music based touch screen rhythm gameplay, you’re a better furfag than I.

“Neopets Puzzle Adventure” – DS
Remember when Neopets was cool? And by cool I mean popular, since it was never “cool” that any of us were playing it. “Puzzle Adventure” takes the concept of “Puzzle Quest” and adds Neopets. It’s Othello, with RPG elements, and talking dragons and tigers. Need more? You can also earn items for your Neopets.com account, if you still do that.

“Spectrobes: Beyond the Portals” – DS
Take the guys behind “The World Ends With You”, the money of Disney, and a concept designed to undermine Pokemon and you get Spectrobes, a 3D action RPG with a lot of spiky, oddly colored anime monsters (which I oddly enough haven’t seen porn of). It’s also has fossil excavation, which is way more fun than it sounds.

“Kung Fu Panda” – 360, PS3, Wii, DS
You know “Kung Fu Panda” is solid because Microsoft started packaging it in with its systems. Think “Ninja Gaiden” minus the difficulty or shitty camera. Plus add in a whole village of snow leopard ninja. Even the DS one is fun, using the same engine from the Spider-Man games to make a stylus flicking kung fu platformer.

“Disney Friends” – DS
Take some of Disney’s most mischievous, or mentally retarded, characters, and stick them in a “Nintendogs” game. You can feed, talk to, and play with Stitch, Dory, Pooh and Simba through the touch screen and DS microphone. Actually… I’m not sure why I’m recommending a game that let’s players give belly rubs to a cub Simba.

“Surf’s Up” – 360, PS3
Sure this game is about two hours long, but it’s old enough where it’s probably super cheap used. “Surf’s Up” is actually a fun game that takes the concepts of stylized snowboarding games like “SSX” and sticks them in a tropical island setting. I’m hoping for a movie sequel just so I can have a sequel to this game.

“Neopets PetPet Adventures: The Wand of Wishing” – PSP
Hey more Neopets! “PetPet Adventures” is medieval action RPG. The best part is that when it gets to the point where most RPGs get tedious and level grindy, this one ends. Yay for kids games, right?